You are here because you want to know what are the 3 types of discipline. How would you describe your mode of discipline? What do you do when your children misbehave? You have probably heard of many ways to deal with bad behavior at home but all those ideas fall under the basic 3 types of parenting.
As a parent, one of the most important things you will ever do in life is raising your children. How your children turn up can shine or kill your legacy.
As if that is not pressuring enough, society is busy judging everything you or your child does. When parents come to me for marital or parenthood counseling, I have to ask them, ‘What is your parenting style?” Specifically, how do you deal with your children in the house?”
“According to you, what are the 3 types of discipline?”
When was the last time you gave your children instructions and they obeyed immediately? What time do your kids go to bed? Do your children express themselves well or do they throw a fit every time you disagree? Who is controlling who?
I am going to share with you tips and methods to deal with indiscipline. At the end of this guide, you will have the necessary tools and information to help you achieve your parenting goals:
• Your kids will go to bed on time.
• Say goodbye to backtalk.
• Comfortable sex talks.
• Your children will start and enjoy doing their homework.
• There will be no more fights when it comes to chores.
• A tidy and neat home because your children won’t be throwing toys all over and will help in cleaning.
• Your children will be respectful, smarter and confident.
What is discipline?
Discipline is the art of teaching your child the best type of behavior; what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. It is the process of teaching your children how to follow rules and respect authority.
By definition, discipline involves imparting knowledge and skill. Unfortunately, some people confuse discipline with punishment, thereby, causing controversy about the best ways to discipline children.
With effective discipline, your child has a higher chance of being successful in life. Also, a Harvard University Research suggests that disciplined children have better social skills and academic performance.
Before we can dive into ” what are the 3 types of discipline” and their effects, you need to know the basics. Deciding which type of discipline is best for your kids is a personal choice, based on the personalities of all people involved.
Indeed, all children are different, meaning they need varying levels of attention, nurturing, and communication. For example, a child with autism will need a different mode of discipline as compared to a kid with A.D.D.
Establish Your Role as a Parent
“I tell my kids to do something, they agree. However, when I check on hours later, I usually find that they have not done as I said.”
“I literary have to repeat instructions a thousand times for my kids to listen to me.”“My teenage children walk away when I am talking.”
I know many parents who are dealing with disrespectful and disobedient children. The indiscipline can take a toll on you as a parent, to a point of depression. That is why you must know what are the 3 types of discipline and their effects.
So, who is the ‘programmer’ at your house? Do you have to adjust your lifestyle to deal with chronic cases of misconduct or is it vice versa? If you are constantly having to compromise your plans because of your children, there might be a problem with determining who is the authority.
Research at the Stanford Children’s Health evince that parents influence their children’s behavior. Your job as the parent is to help your child become independent, self-controlled, respectful, and confident. School, relatives, churches, and counseling professionals can help but the primary duty for discipline lies with you.
The Baumrind style of parenting describes different strategies of parenting. Which of the following parenting styles do you use?
This is considered the best method of parenting. Children of authoritative parents have higher chances of being successful as adults.
Baumrind’s research proved that children of authoritative parents have better social skills and are more developed mentally.
You are authoritative if you have stipulated rules and expressed the consequences of breaking those rules.
Note that being authoritative does not mean being so controlling that you don’t listen to your kids. On the contrary, using this style create a conducive environment for mutual communication and understanding.
You are giving your children an opportunity of exercising self-control without completely giving away your control as the parent.
If you use this style, it means you have set the rules and consequences of breaking regulations. However, you have no warmth or affection towards your kids.
In this setting, you don’t explain anything to your children. Additionally, communication is one way.
For example; you tell your child to go to bed early. They ask why and you answer, ‘because daddy said so.”
This is the most common type of parenting in the contemporary world. These types of parents are more of friends than guardians.
Do you buy your children everything they want? Do you feel guilty about disciplining your children when they are wrong?
By being permissive, you are setting up your children to be egocentric, impulsive, and entitled.
The strategy you apply depends on your child’s age, your child’s temperament, and the kind of inappropriate behavior that your kids exhibit. As you study the 3 types of discipline, it is important to compare your tutelage to your child’s character.
Furthermore, your discipline techniques also depend on your parenting style. The American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommends the following techniques:
Reward and recognize good behavior
Encourage and motivate your child to behave properly by rewarding good behavior. Above all, compliment your child whenever they follow the rules, complete chores, and meet your expectations.
For example, if your child has completed their homework on time, commend them. You could say something like, “You are such a smart and intelligent person. You are on your way to success.”
If your child does something wrong, let them experience the repercussions of their actions. In fact, you don’t need to explain or lecture your child. Your kids cannot blame you for what has happened.
For instance, if your child intentionally damages or throws away a toy, let them stay without it. Do not buy them another toy.
This style of discipline is appropriate for children who seem not to ‘hear’ your warnings. On the other hand, ensure that the natural consequence is not dangerous.
This is almost similar to natural consequences. However, this technique needs you to describe to your child the punishment for unacceptable behavior.
For example, you tell your kids that if they use their phones past 9 pm, you will confiscate the phones for a week.
Take away privileges
Sometimes, children can do very crazy and wild things. In truth, they can misbehave in ways you could have never imagined. From bullying others at school to stealing.
In cases where you don’t have time to plan a discipline technique or punishment, try to take away privileges. For example, if your child has trashed their room and does not clean it on time, you may take away playtime or television privileges.
Create a time out location. It should be boring and quiet but not dangerous. This method does not work if you send them to their bedroom (that is their comfort zone).
Time out works on children that are old enough to understand (children aged 2 and above). Gradually increase the minutes for time out with every additional year of age. Note that time out will mostly work on young children who prefer being around other people.
What about corporal or physical punishment?
Physical punishment like spanking and throwing things at your kids isn’t recommended by Pediatric experts. Physical discipline has bad effects on children.
How to maintain discipline
Ensure your discipline techniques match your child’s temperament
Take time to analyze and understand your child’s personality. What is your kid’s temperament?
Before you can apply any of the 3 types of discipline, study your kids. Use a discipline style that will magnify your child’s strengths and help them achieve their potential. If your child is an extrovert type, discipline them without killing their confidence.
Communicate your discipline plan to kids
Avoid bringing up discipline techniques out of the ‘blue.’ If your child is old enough to understand, explain to them why you are applying that discipline technique and what you hope to achieve.
You can even involve your child in choosing the rewards or consequences to expect after certain actions.
Respect your child
It is possible to respectfully discipline your child. Avoid overreacting, insulting, or humiliating your child. Besides, punishing your kids in front of their peers might breed resentment.
Be a consistent parent
Be consistent with the rules and consequences. Don’t make exceptions. For example, if you say that you are taking away your kid’s toy for a week, don’t fold, until the week is over.
Your child might come to you, asking for the toys, promising that they have changed. Still, don’t cave in. If you make exceptions, your children will learn how to manipulate situations to favor them.
After the punishment of consequence, don’t ask your child to apologize. Additionally, avoid reminding your child of their past mistakes. Move on and help your child to learn that they can grow from their wrongdoings.
Ensure the mode of discipline is appropriate for your child
Find out if your mode of discipline matches the physical and mental capabilities of your child. Before you discipline your kids, make sure that they are mentally developed to fathom the situation.
Understand the cause of misbehavior
Sometimes, the problem might be deeper than you can see. If you notice a pattern of bad behavior, look for the ‘why.’ Study your child to know if there are any underlying issues.
Are they being bullied at school? Have they lost a friend? Are they dealing with self-esteem issues?
Sometimes, children act up because of the food they eat. Studies at the Urban Child Institute signal that poor eating habits and hunger trigger bad moods in children.
5 Different Types of Child Discipline
We will use an example of an 8-year-old who refuses to clean up their toys after playtime.
“What are the 3 types of discipline?” This is one of the most common questions among parents. Fortunately for you, I have 5 types that you can use to effectively correct your child.
When you positively discipline your children, you use encouragement and praise instead of condemnation and punishment. In this case, you concentrate more on teaching your child that being disciplined and respectful comes with rewards. A study at The Harvard Center on the Developing Child demonstrates that motivation increases cognitive abilities in children.
Show your kids how to solve their problems and work with other people and children to find solutions to problems. One way is to use an authoritative style. Moreover, use family meetings to discuss what you expect in terms of appropriate behavior.
You might have a sit down with the child and say, “What can we do about cleaning these toys so you can show that you are a good, neat and responsible boy?”
In this case, you focus on preventing problems by redirecting your child away from bad behavior. Using this method means you don’t instill shame. Instead, you use distraction and humor while addressing your child’s misbehavior.
Using gentle discipline, you might say something like “Would you rather we collect your toys and give them away if you can’t arrange them?” Then proceed to guide your child in the best way to arrange their toys in a fun way. You can even play a ‘cleaning game.
Boundary discipline (setting limits)
Make all the rules clear beforehand. If you decide to use this method, make sure that your child understands your laws and the consequences they will face if they don’t comply.
Make the consequences clear to your child by telling them what to expect if they don’t arrange their toys. You could say, “There is no cartoon for two weeks if you will not clear up your toys.”
Remember, for this method to work, the consequence must affect something that the child loves to do.
In this case, you concentrate on both positive and negative repercussions. While good behavior is rewarded, bad behavior is discouraged through ignoring and taking away privileges.
You can remind your child of the reward of cleaning up their toys. “Remember that once you finish arranging your toys, you can go out and ride your bike for 20 minutes. You will only give the reward once your child completes the task.
This is a discipline procedure that you can use to train your children about emotional control. The National Association for the Education of Young Children insists that emotionally intelligent children are more engaged in school. Helping your kids to understand and express their emotions, helps them achieve emotional intelligence and resilience.
You can start by acknowledging that your child doesn’t want to arrange their toys. “I know you are tired and don’t want to arrange your toys because you will use them later. When you finish putting your toys away, we can write a song about how you feel when you have to arrange your toys.
Know When and Where to Go for Help
“There is no perfect parent, not even one.” I always remind parents that come for counseling that one can never achieve perfection in the journey of parenthood. This is the one job where it is okay to ‘learn as you go.
It is okay to get some help. Even if you feel like you are using the best parenting style, there are some days when it might seem like your children are going up and beyond to make you angry.
I believe I have answered your question of – what are the 3 types of discipline. Remember that the parent can be wrong. When you notice that you have made a mistake, talk to your child, and apologize.
So, what step do you take when you feel like you don’t know what to do? Hurry up and join this Free 1-hour Parenting Class. There is a 20-30-minute window where you can ask all questions that you might have.